Relationships are work. Hard work. Joyful work. Sticky work, sexy work, cuddly work, long-talks-into-the-night work. Anyone who says that their relationships isn’t work, is obviously from Disneyland.
Besides your partner, your heart and your mind, I’d say Jay Cadet is the next best person to give you advice on how to make this work seem less like work and more like a walk on the beach, a ride on a pumpkin carriage or a festival of strawberries, sex and mutual gratitude (or whatever you’re into). He’s one of the most truthful writers on the interwebs and at 31 years of age, Jay Cadet is fast becoming the new Doctor Phil.
A friend introduced me to Cadet’s Instagram account this summer and I was hooked. Based in Harlem, Jay specializes in helping unmarried, millennial couples work through their business while keeping that loving feeling. His bite sized advice-o-grams on his Instagram feed have chilled me the f*#k out more than once. He’s a lover who loves to help other lovers, how cool of a job is that? So without much more ado, I introduce to you to Jay Cadet of [co]3 Studio and his f*#king awesome job.
So how did you get that f*#king awesome job? Can you describe what your job is and what it is that you do?
The thing about being a relationship coach is that you don’t have much of a choice but to start your own company. I didn’t really understand fully what being an entrepreneur was all about, but I jumped in two feet first and it’s been an amazing ride since! I love coaching couples, but I also love the challenge of figuring out how to create a successful business out of my passion.
As a relationship coach, I help couples do a few things. I help them get clear on what their ideal relationship looks like, find out what’s holding them back, and help them overcome those challenges to create the relationship they deserve!
Did you have to give anything up to get here?
Yep! I gave up my career in architecture. I had one of those moments where I realized I was doing something I enjoyed, but not particularly something I was very good at. So I chose to let go [I still love architecture, by the way, but just from afar] and pursue what I felt I had a natural talent in. It’s still problem solving, just with helping couples build relationships instead of helping contractors build buildings.
Who or what has been your mentor/inspiration along the way?
My main inspiration are all the successful couples out there, who’ve been married for decades. If there’s one thing our generation can learn from previous generations is valuing commitment above everything.
While the social conditions were a lot different, older couples valued commitment in such a way that they stuck by each other’s side, regardless of what challenges came their way. They truly embody their vows of “for better or for worse, through sickness and in health.”
In a generation where we’re encouraged to explore our options in all areas of life, we can learn a thing or two from them about how to make it last.
In three words or less, what’s the best part of your job?
Helping overcome obstacles
In three words or less, what’s the worst part of your job?
Entrepreneurship is tough!
What did you want to be when you grew up?
I always wanted to be a detective, but my “problem” is that I always focus on the best in people. I wasn’t skeptical enough! I even took an elective on investigation in college. Best class ever.
What is your drink of choice?
Where was the last place you travelled?
Haiti! It was my first time ever visiting my family’s country of origin. It was an amazing experience!
What’s on your playlist right now?
Stromae’s latest album has been on repeat for a long time now. It keeps the energy up!
What are your top three reads vis a vis your career (books, magazines, manuals, podcasts)?
The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman
His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard Harley, Jr.
Fight Less, Love More, by Laurie Puhn
Any advice for someone who’s looking to lock down their f*#king awesome job?
Don’t be afraid to fail! It’s an inevitable part of embarking on any new journey, and the more action you take, the more you will come across failures. The important thing to keep in mind is to find the lessons in those failures and use them to make you better and bring you closer to your goals.
What does the future behold for your f*#king awesome job?
My vision for [co]3 Studio is that it becomes a one-stop-shop for all things related to relationships for unmarried couples. I’m working on it!